The Great iPhone Massacre


The new iPhone XD. The future of mobile. Hi. I’m Steve Jobs and I’ve come back from a cold, dark grave to tell you about our latest innovation. But… Just before I show you this new phone:
I want to tell you a story. It begins in 2013, and
we had just released the new iOS 7. It was a proud moment
for us and it all went off without a hitch. That is, until 4chan had an idea. “A bogus ad that could cost you
hundreds of dollars.” They started spreading rumors that the software upgrade made your phone waterproof. And they even started making
marketing materials that looked like ours. According to these ads,
advanced algorithms in the new iOS allowed the phone to detect
when water was touching the circuitry. This would then trigger
an automatic disconnect of the battery. Of course; this doesn’t make any sense. But that didn’t stop our customers
from trying it anyway. There were a number of news stories. “What I did not do however – was then
drop my phone into a bowl of water. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about others.” “So how close would you get
your cellphone to the water? Well…” “All right Tony.” “It’s not funny.” Thank god we don’t offer
warranty on water damage. A year later; in September 2014
we were excited to release the new iOS 8. Well it turned out that 4chan
had also been planning to release a new feature. Apple Wave They made another marketing campaign that claimed even more sophisticated algorithms that allowed the new iphone battery to be charged by simply popping the thing in the microwave for two minutes on high. They claimed that the RF transmitter which is used to connect to the radio towers could be used to absorb the microwaves and send them straight down to the battery. People really did this
by the way. And the news picked up on it too. “Yeah, don’t put your phone in a microwave,
don’t put your phone in a toilet. I mean… Come on this… a lot of these things
seem they should be common sense.” “Charge your phone in the microwave feature.” “Just to be clear: don’t ever, ever do that.” Now it’s hard to know for sure
which of these tweets are real or hoaxes. And some of the news reports claimed
that no one actually tried this at all. Ryan says most people haven’t fallen – or at least admitted to have fallen for the destructive ploy. However these pitiable cries
on the Apple forums say otherwise. “What can I do if I microwave my phone?” “Help!
iPhone put in microwave and not working now.” “I know it’s stupid but
I put my phone in the microwave.” “Ok. Let’s say I stuck my phone in the microwave.”
I fell for the ‘microwave your phone and it will charge.'” DROP IT *Chimbirs* “I’m stupid please help.” And even the LAPD had to issue a warning after receiving a large number of distressed phone calls. How they were able to call the police I haven’t quite figured out. Now the next campaign started
only a few days later. On the iPhone 6 we decided to
use an aluminium chassis. It was cheaper. Lighter and it looked very nice. But yes, you could also bend the hell out of it “The iPhone 6+ bends…
a lot.” So all our hipster customers with their skinny jeans were discovering a nice ass curve in their new phone. Thus, #Bendgate was born. Some other brands took the
opportunity to take the piss. Our twitter got flooded
with the same bad accessory joke. To prevent damage: we needed you
to be more delicate with your phones. Or just buy a case. But instead, 4chan was there to make
another marketing campaign. They decided that Bend wasn’t a bug, It was a feature. and people were encouraged to bend until their screen popped right out. And you did. The next two years passed without
much happening. But then, in 2016
we released the new iPhone 7. And courageously,
“Courage!” It featured no headphone jack. But one youtuber – TechRax. Decided to tell people otherwise. “Hidden inside your iPhone 7
is a 3.5 mm audio jack.” And apparently, all you had to do…
was drill for it. Article after article
about people drilling into their phones. But we’re just scratching the thin veneer
of dumbassery. There was a bug that bricked your phone permamently if you set the date to January 1st 1970. “It ends up with a time before
January 1st 1970. Which should just be a negative integer. Except it’s not. It’s wrapped up all the way round giving you a date twenty times longer than the expected lifespan of the universe.” So some idiot made a campaign there too. Big lines at the genius bar that week. But there’s one last thing:
we put a tiny seam in the side of your iPhone 6. So that it pulled out your hair every time
you put your phone up to your face. I made that design decision. I thought it was funny. And all of this brings us
to today and your new iPhone. This is it. This is what you get. No more nice things. You can drown it. You can microwave it. You can drill it. And you can bend it. And it will still pull out some of your hair. Does it work? NO! But it’s what you deserve. Fuck you, stupids, I’m going back to my tomb… Available in three hard drive sizes: 12 MB, 13 MB and 128 GB. 100k subs. Woohoo. Also I’m starting a second channel. Internet Historian Research. For the things that don’t make the final cut. For example. Pool is closed. There is HIV AIDS in the pool. Also stingrays. Which also have AIDS. DESUDESUDESUDESUDESU So the little avatar would walk up to your avatar and say… Yeah… and say “Hello I’m grabbing your breasts. I’m doing this to you. I’m having sex with you and now I’m leaving you.” ♫ Hitler did nothing wroooooooong! ♫

100 Comments

  1. AlchemistOfNirnroot said:

    Fucking hell, people are dumb af.

    August 18, 2019
    Reply
  2. ARMIN .G.A said:

    I would really buy that iPhone XD for 400$ I'll use it to give myself a haircut

    August 18, 2019
    Reply
  3. DIO said:

    Another video that highlights the average IQ of most Americans. Very accurate.

    August 19, 2019
    Reply
  4. African Electron said:

    It was a good time…now the internet is just sad.

    August 19, 2019
    Reply
  5. Archer_ Dan said:

    Just as a question why do people even put their phone in their back pockets like, as a criminal you become such an insanely easy target for pickpocketing, 4 seconds at max is how long itd take me to steal your phone and be on my way to the door, its mind numbingly dumb how people think it's fine to ever just casually leave their expensive stuff showing, back pockets dont hide anything and even if I dont steal your phone directly I've seen motherfuckers have their phone fall our of their pocket while walking and not notice so you best believe that shits mine now you fuckin loser, it doesn't make sense to put your phone in your back pocket ever

    August 19, 2019
    Reply
  6. Imelda Crispala said:

    Is it so difficult to research further on claims like these? Apparently yes. Because now these people have busted, charred, scrapped metal. And because it makes absolute sense that a microwave can charge an iPhone.

    August 20, 2019
    Reply
  7. Warzone said:

    i'm punching my screen but i can't answer

    August 20, 2019
    Reply
  8. RdTrler said:

    Anyone ever remember the history books that told you, that before you were born, you had to own land to cast a vote on U.S. government officials?
    I'm beginning to think there was a good reason for that.

    August 21, 2019
    Reply
  9. Brian Bethea said:

    3:01 "A buddy just called me to tell me that his daughter nuked his phone."

    Obviously the microwave charging worked great if he could call to tell his friend about it.

    August 21, 2019
    Reply
  10. Nicholas Leclerc said:

    3:55
    That face tho

    August 22, 2019
    Reply
  11. -Lightning Will- said:

    The phone ringing brings back some ptsd

    August 22, 2019
    Reply
  12. Ben said:

    At least people can expand their iPhone memory with micro SD cards.

    Ohhh wait..

    August 23, 2019
    Reply
  13. LaTe Ko said:

    DROP IT

    August 23, 2019
    Reply
  14. sersys1 said:

    Apple products are the mark of the stupid, people voluntarily stamp themselves with.

    August 23, 2019
    Reply
  15. Neon Charke said:

    "It even works underwater!"

    August 23, 2019
    Reply
  16. CaptainHooligans said:

    I just can't comprehend the sheer stupidity thrown at me in this vid. I absolutely love it.

    August 23, 2019
    Reply
  17. David Hemming said:

    Hey historian
    What mic do you use?

    August 25, 2019
    Reply
  18. Wob Bob Jones said:

    The human race is so fucked..

    August 25, 2019
    Reply
  19. ENinja35 Gamer said:

    Shows how stupid iPhone users are!!!

    August 25, 2019
    Reply
  20. Lil' Miss Dropbear said:

    Honestly it's no wonder that Apple treats their customer's like idiots.

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  21. Jordan De Knikker said:

    There's crude black inside the new iPhone. Drill, baby, drill!

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  22. im love h20 said:

    I haven’t heard about any of these guess where I’m from dumb asses don’t exist

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  23. Fruitty Tutti said:

    Feels like the Hypodermic Needle Theory

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  24. Zach Pitch said:

    we all know some of you are here who did those stupid things.

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  25. poo boy said:

    That call gave me anxiety

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  26. Septimus ii said:

    Whatever would 4chan do if Apple stopped making so many terrible decisions for them to exploit

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  27. Heldermaior said:

    For me the headphone jack one was the most inspired. Followed by the waterproof one.

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  28. Dell12 16 said:

    Imagine being that stupid that you think a software update will fundamentally change your phone’s hardware.

    August 26, 2019
    Reply
  29. Conner Broeker said:

    Can't expect Apple users to think too much

    August 27, 2019
    Reply
  30. Zero Two said:

    Bruh who the hell thought any of these would actually work 😂😂😂😂

    August 27, 2019
    Reply
  31. funny death momo said:

    Apple is making these trends to sale uo

    August 27, 2019
    Reply
  32. CaptainX said:

    Iphone "X"D, Internet Futoristan

    August 28, 2019
    Reply
  33. Nimsay said:

    Humanity is filled with idiots…

    August 28, 2019
    Reply
  34. Tracey Mccormack said:

    I will take the 13mb please looks like the best value for money

    August 28, 2019
    Reply
  35. Corpito said:

    there are no better trolls in existence than 4chan

    August 28, 2019
    Reply
  36. rejvaik said:

    People can't really be this stupid? Can they?

    August 29, 2019
    Reply
  37. Rupert Griffen said:

    I don't think anyone microwaved phones or put them in water.
    I think it was just 4Chan making up more fake stuff, to make it seem like it worked.
    Then laugh at people for being "dumb"

    Lolololosers.

    August 29, 2019
    Reply
  38. KcLee677 said:

    Samsung Galaxy Note ( bomb) phone we're amazing to able to have it..

    August 29, 2019
    Reply
  39. Matthew Orr said:

    'What the fk did you say about me you little bitch?' ROFLMAOOOOOO

    August 29, 2019
    Reply
  40. Lifeisalie said:

    Why I fucking love 4chan

    August 29, 2019
    Reply
  41. Saad Siraj said:

    why is that chick from bleach in the thumbnail

    August 29, 2019
    Reply
  42. dabi time said:

    If IH called me I'd pick up in a hot fucking second.

    August 30, 2019
    Reply
  43. Francisco Franco - Chan said:

    Or that other Indian character that made it crash

    August 30, 2019
    Reply
  44. Matthew Carrell said:

    if your paying 1500 dollars for a product that is inferior to a Samsung Galaxy phone you deserve what you get bro

    August 30, 2019
    Reply
  45. krepnata kadara said:

    iPhone lifehack looking absolutely correct and trustworthy, just check what 4chan says

    August 31, 2019
    Reply
  46. b chill said:

    Shows just how much power the Media has to guide thought, direction, and action in the populace

    September 1, 2019
    Reply
  47. The Silent Archivist said:

    1:29 "How close would you get your cell phone to the water? Well, -"

    SIGNAL LOST

    Like my weak-hearted grandfather, I died laughing.

    September 1, 2019
    Reply
  48. HappyBullet said:

    "4chan had an idea" not a sentence you want to hear

    September 1, 2019
    Reply
  49. Cash ordeals said:

    Lol yeah no iPhone is like the Jordan's of phone's you have a older model you getting roasted

    September 1, 2019
    Reply
  50. KnightSpeaking said:

    What's sad is that Apple has most definitely capitalized off of all this dumbassery that 4chan so spectacularly exposed. A new phone these days wouldn't cost baseline $900, plus accessories and replacement charge, if Apple hadn't realized that consumers would do and pay for absolutely anything they were presented with. It's a high price to pay for such hilarity at those consumers' deserving expense.

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  51. Miyamoto’s Apprentice Jim Vaughan said:

    wait iPhone 7 then 8 then “a few dats later iPhone 6…” wait WHAT!? Lol

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  52. Father Dragon said:

    It's so profoundly dumb, because even if Apple were to officially say "the new phone is waterproof", obviously that doesn't mean "hey go stick it in water" it would just be a last ditch measure to maybe save the phone if it got splashed

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  53. Akihiro Kenshin said:

    Probably the best video I could've watched before sleeping

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  54. Naoko said:

    Keep your Iphone trash

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  55. Some Guy said:

    He predicted the naming of the iphone x

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  56. 2010ngojo said:

    Ah yes, because tuning it off means it's waterproof.

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  57. maxxon89 said:

    It's a blessing that i found this channel. Thanks Youtube, and thank you, Internet Historian, for your work.

    September 2, 2019
    Reply
  58. The Meme Archive said:

    Switch to Android you get smarter when you switch to android.

    September 3, 2019
    Reply
  59. Derpules said:

    Don't forget about the macOS rm -r -f advertisements <3

    September 3, 2019
    Reply
  60. Trantor The Troll said:

    Apple buying Morons are….Morons? i'm fucking SHOCKED TO MY CORE!

    September 3, 2019
    Reply
  61. emyl ro said:

    Avatar: The Last IphoneBender

    Yea, i just finished the anime and watched this video and this joke pops out.

    September 3, 2019
    Reply
  62. God 4. said:

    So apple users are dumb?
    LoL

    September 4, 2019
    Reply
  63. 진주언 said:

    Where does common sense gone?

    September 4, 2019
    Reply
  64. Harvey Birdman said:

    Apple is such garbage

    September 4, 2019
    Reply
  65. bosourd said:

    moral of the story : rich parents, dumbass kids.

    September 5, 2019
    Reply
  66. Itz nS Dominator said:

    Apple is retarded

    George Washington

    September 5, 2019
    Reply
  67. Adams Brew said:

    I can’t comprehend how people can be so gullible — really had no idea there were this many stupid people, until Trump happened. I don’t have much faith in the long term stability of my species.

    September 5, 2019
    Reply
  68. James MacDonald said:

    pretty much sums up iPhone users if they actually did truly believe all that shit XD

    September 5, 2019
    Reply
  69. Soundwavegamer said:

    Idiocracy…………..
    That’s it

    September 5, 2019
    Reply
  70. Yoshidude64 said:

    I swear, the guys on 4chan are playing 5d chess. They always know how to play people and the media however they like.

    September 6, 2019
    Reply
  71. Ade' Big Lazy Wolf said:

    I absolutely love 4chans ability to play on the lack of ppls common sense LOL

    September 6, 2019
    Reply
  72. FreshCabbage said:

    They obviously just forgot to update their phone before putting it on microwave.

    September 6, 2019
    Reply
  73. Alex Rodriguez said:

    Even though my phone is waterproof, I’m not comfortable taking with me into the pool

    September 6, 2019
    Reply
  74. Gary Moore said:

    Totally remember getting bits of hair pulled out when I had an iPhone 6+

    September 6, 2019
    Reply
  75. Just_epic Inc. said:

    4chan is fuckin stupid. Its amazing anyone at all takes them seriously, they’re just a bunch incel crybaby losers.

    September 8, 2019
    Reply
  76. Jon said:

    what kind of fucking retard buys a cell phone that doesn't have a audio jack? What kind of fucking retard company builds a cell phone that doesn't have an audio jack?

    September 8, 2019
    Reply
  77. Robert E.O. Speedwagon said:

    I love how accurate the ending is, Apple could sell you a iPhone built as a bomb and the Apple sheep will still go nuts over it

    September 8, 2019
    Reply
  78. Ameer Salim said:

    To be honest, the people who blame TechRax are incredibly stupid because no one, not even a 5 year old would be stupid enough to run a drill through your phone.

    September 9, 2019
    Reply
  79. LuxemShitle Production said:

    The burning library of apple iPhone

    September 9, 2019
    Reply
  80. NerdyDumbProductions said:

    4Chan really makes the most elaborate trolls out there.

    September 9, 2019
    Reply
  81. Robucc Distributor said:

    Focus on how his ssss sounds whistle. Enjoy your viewing experience.

    September 10, 2019
    Reply
  82. Danny Castillo said:

    you are so funny 🙂

    September 10, 2019
    Reply
  83. Ian Titty said:

    "does it work?…. NOOO!" lmao i can't stop giggling that's the best fucking part.

    September 10, 2019
    Reply
  84. Raigetti said:

    This is why you buy Nokia 3310

    September 10, 2019
    Reply
  85. Cisco2021 said:

    Let's do it to the new iPhone 11. add a plane to the logo design

    September 10, 2019
    Reply
  86. That Montage Nerd said:

    Why my iPhone XD not work

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  87. Sir Brodacious said:

    Microwave bit reminds me of those "use the microwave to kill bacteria" life hack posts, like that's not how microwaves work?

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  88. Mecha'thun and the Cult of Deathrattles said:

    I like how Apple users rag on Androids users when they're doing shit like this

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  89. Queen Yukari said:

    Drilled, Drowned and Nuked.
    Sounds like JAV actresses.

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  90. Shibin P.P said:

    😞 Now they have released iphone 11

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  91. Lightning Volt said:

    And now iPhone 11 is out and it looks like a joke

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  92. 娘猫 said:

    Why i got the indestructible galaxy s8

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  93. 【Pizza Time】 said:

    Alright boys, what next for the new iPhone?

    September 11, 2019
    Reply
  94. kaktus louie said:

    Its always 4chan

    September 12, 2019
    Reply
  95. dillon tuckett said:

    But will it blend! That is the question xD

    September 12, 2019
    Reply
  96. 司此雷 said:

    People are stupid and ignorant…

    September 12, 2019
    Reply
  97. 司此雷 said:

    Hang on…. I just realized internet historian held a niko pillow (love live)…. So…..

    September 12, 2019
    Reply
  98. MegaRudeBoy69 said:

    They found out, the hard way, that owning an advanced piece of tech doesn't mean you're smarter in any way.

    September 12, 2019
    Reply
  99. Abderian Agelast said:

    I still stand by the opinion that removing the headphone jack was the second worst possible design decision Apple ever made, right after not adding microSD support. I know they make money off of accessories for both of those, but it’s despicable.

    September 13, 2019
    Reply
  100. Zimou DZ said:

    a new iPhone and this time three camera

    and this is of course it is new and original and worth your 1100$
    sez Steve jobs' after coming out of his tomb

    September 13, 2019
    Reply

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